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It’s a Small, Bad World January 27, 2009

Posted by Khawarizmiya in memoir, Psycho, recovered from blogspot.

When I was a kid, bad people existed only in T.V. shows.

Everyone else in the ‘real’ world were simply as ‘good’ as I believed myself to be. I wished no real harm for anyone (unless you consider hiding my toys from my siblings ‘real’ harm). I wanted people around me to be happy and satisfied, and so did everyone else, in my limited perspective back then. As time went by, situations started to take place where the other party seemed to care less about my own good, care more about theirs. I had my share of that as well. Everyone does. What I didn’t have is the urge to be mean to others, to see them hurt, one way or another. In fact, it killed me to see someone angry with me. Blame was one of my worst nightmares. I was not angelic or anything close to it; I just didn’t like the feeling of seeing people upset. (It could be frown-o-phobia). Years pass by, and you find yourself in situations that can only be described as disappointing, rather shocking. New words get introduced to your dictionary of ‘real’ words, such as hypocrites, cheaters, jealousy, hatred. Shocking, because the kid inside of you who thinks all other people don’t want to see you upset too, suddenly finds out that’s not very true (that one rhymed, could work for a poem some other time). And disappointing, simply, because your expectations of people usually start very high before you get the enough life-experience to lower them down, and down, and down.. The damage, however, grew more severely with time. I was not ‘severely’ hurt when I found out that people can dislike you or even hate you just because you’re always first in class, and for no other obvious reason! (yeah, I was showing off right there, couldn’t miss the opportunity). It grows as you get older, as the situations become more serious and touch more critical aspects of your life.

The ‘severity’ grows from green, to blue, to orange, to yellow.. yes, I pretty much hate yellow so it goes on top of the scale. Yellow.. is when you, or someone close to you, is stabbed in the back by people they trusted with their souls. I said someone close to you because not all the situations that shape our personalities and conventions are those that we have experienced personally. For me, it was a mixture of both that made me realize that it’s a Small, Bad World.


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